Oh No!! I GAINED...

...CONFIDENCE!!!! Yup, that's right, I gained confidence!!! I know I haven't lost much - and 5 pounds isn't really enough for me to see a difference in my body - But in a weird kind of way, I see it. For the first time in a while (like 6-9 months) I fixed my hair!! Yes, I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but for a while now, if I did fix my hair, it ended up in a pony tail immediately after I finished straightening it. I just hated the way my face looked. It might have something to do with the shock of chopping off about 11 inches of hair, but still. It was still something that was a self image thing...Somehow my brain translated me pulling my hair back into "your face looks thinner when we can see all your chubby chin." I guess in turn that made me feel fatter, and less attractive. It's really been tough on me - especially since I always said that I would NEVER "let myself go" and that my husband would always have a wife that took care of herself....and I wasn't - I had really let myself go. I also was still delusional, thinking that a large would fit me, when in all reality an XL probably would have been better...but I just couldn't stomach putting that X in front of the L.  And today, I slipped on a large shirt, and it fits the way it's supposed to!!! :) May add pictures later to show - I'm THAT excited!!!

Today, however, something clicked. I was staring at myself in the mirror before I got in the shower (don't judge - you know you do it too!!) and noticed (or thought I did) that my "gills" didn't look as pronounced, and that I didn't have as big of a pudge in my tummy as I did a few weeks ago. I'm still trying NOT to measure myself even though I am more than curious to know how much, if any I have actually lost. (I think to see that I didn't loose any inches would devastate my new-found confidence). BUT, I feel like I have made improvements, and that in turn boosted my confidence. I put on clothes today and didn't cringe at the fat I saw at every angle. I fixed my hair (and DIDN'T put it up) and put on makeup (which is also a first in a while) and I FELT GREAT!!! I'm not sure where the new confidence came from, but I don't want it to go away any time soon. I like the newly confident me!! ***And if any of you reading know the past me - I've never really been a confident person***

So, this is my "Yay, ME" moment for the day, and I can't wait for the next 2 weeks to fly by so I can measure and see if I've lost as much as I hope I have!!! :)

Here's some Pictures from today!! :)